Echuserang kuting

Holiday Emotions

I envy those who can write whatever their hearts tell and those who can pour their emotions with their words..

I stare this monitor blankly what will I type using my keyboard. My heart is feeling heavy right now with the recent events..my dad just had his operation in his prostate a month ago, my aunt died because of cancer, my boyfriend had his left body numb but his recovering now, and my uncle died last Christmas day..

They say we should have positivity. Yes, but I can't help to think and be gazing to nothingness as if my heart was being sucked into vacuum, emptiness. As if dementors have sucked my happiness within.

I feel alone. I felt alone.

No one actually knew this but my wedding was at stake just few days ago. I was about to say the wedding's off. I was so confused what to do. I don't know who to talk with this matter. My bestfriend's too busy. But i do understand her actually.

Because of our budget, his budget is low now..he's taking seven medicines for his heart, blood pressure and others. He has given me two options:

Option A: Civil wedding in Feb and church wedding in December

Option B: Simple church wedding in May and continuous budgeting for a new home..

I don't want to pressure him and stress him out because of his health condition. Though honestly, it broke my heart. I told him long time ago to have his budgeting and I am too. Though due to unavoidable circumstances and health problems, most of the money were alloted to it.

Because I don't want to pressure him, I chose option A with a weak heart. I asked what is his plan if we'll be married in Feb., I am still teaching here in Lucena. How can we stay in one roof if his uncle will be coming soon, there will be no room for me and our family to be.

If he hadn't been too honest maybe the wedding was off. His uncle will be coming but if that happens, they had transfer a new house. There's so much mess in his work, that he wanted to find a new one sooner too. He has plans to go to Dubai too. Too much heartache.

I asked him to talk to his parents and sisters first about the wedding. I was too tired to think that time. My heart was tired.

Then I told him okay option B. But let's talk this face to face.

He then asked if I will be happy in the future with him. That time, I can't answer him back because as I said tired and my heart too. My tears fell on my cheeks and my eyes can't stop pouring all those encapsulated emotions bursting.

December 24. I said sorry to him for being selfish. Sorry for the ill reaction I had. I was just too tired and pressured. He said sorry too. We reconciled and I think there's a happy ending waiting for us.

Movie Marathon

I really had a great time with past editors of the Heartbeat..I missed them so much..Though, di maxadong obvious..

I never thought of attending because i'm too damn busy. But I'm hit by my guilt because whenever i asked them to have some of their time, they give it away at once.

Anyway, we had a good laugh and I missed that with the new staff this year. or am I just pressured of the reality that i'll be leaving them soon.

The Haunting in Connecticut and The Social Network were our movie choice though the latter was given a small amount of attention. Mark Zuckerburg was too fast to speak and they cannot comprehend the words being spoken.

We ate chami, the famous coffee cake, fish ball dipped in lumpia sauce, piknik..mmm missed those food..

I missed them, in short..:)

Christmas is near

Binuksan na ang mga Christmas lights sa tatlong malalaking kalsada ng Makati; sa Ayala Ave., sa Makati Ave. at sa Paseo de Roxas.

Ito ang tatlong mga kalsada na lagi kong nadaraanan noong nasa Maynila pa ako. Nakakamiss din. Masaya kasi ang pakiramdam ko kapag naandun ako. hindi ko alam pero yung adrenaline ko ang bilis. Para laging may aksyon.

Parang nabubuhayan ako sa ingay ng Lrt/MRT, ang busina ng taxi o bus, ang boses ng mga tao nagmamadali. Hay.

Pero kahapon, binuhay ko ulit ang account ko sa jobstreet. Nagbabasakali ako na maghanap ng trabaho. Mayroong mga clerical positions na available pero sa Taguig, Libis. kelangan ko sa may Quezon City area lang para hindi ako mahihirapan sa pagcomute. Nag-iisip tuloy ako kung itutuloy ko ba talaga ang propesyon ko bilang isang guro. Trainor siguro pede pa pero napapagod ako masyado para maging guro. Gusto kong magpahinga. Hay.

Naisip ko ding mag-business kaya naisip kong tanungin si Gino kung may balak ba si Amen a magbukas ng bakeshop kasi may available resources ako at interested din ako. Pero for the mean time gusto ko muna maghanap ng trabaho para may maibigay din ako para sa pamilya ko. Dream ko din kaya magkaron ng bakeshop parang Pan de Manila ang style. Mala-coffee shop din. Kahit hindi siya maging super successful, eh maging kilala sya sa magiging market namin at masustain ang income. Sana magkatotoo ito. Gusto ko talaga.

Anyway, bago ako mag-isip ng kung anu-ano ay kailangan ko munang tapusin ang paggawa ko ng grades at siguro tapusin na rin this month until next month ang workbook ko. Cheer up, Skye!

Facing the Reality

I just read Aldrin's blog..thank you..

I have to say that I was too rude for my students for the past weeks. I am sorry too because they have to do things seriously, the regional press conference is a serious business and i would like to go to the nationals.

This is my last year. and I have to prove myself at least to those who have high eye brows on me. But most is for myself and for my students.

That's why i got disappointed that the training with Manila trainers was cancelled due to many questions that should have at least helped the students growth and development. Good thing was Ma'am Kathy is always here to give me options and enlightenment.

i have so many things and issues knocking my brains out. First, my dad's condition, the grades that should be finished before the RS, the training of the students, the wedding soon, and how can i rekindle my time and presence with my fiance.

I'm sorry HB because I have to leave you and leaving you is to hard. Im loving you but you have to be matured. There are always people who come and go. And maybe this is my time to say I have done enough.

I'm just afraid of who will be cuddling you enough to grow and to mature. But im hoping for the best. Sabi nga ni Sir Abet Oriacel knina, "pagaling ng pagaling na talaga ang HB! galing nyo tlaga!"

I hope others can see that too. But they are too busy of looking at our faults especially my faults (whatever it is). I am hoping too that it is not in a personal level because that is too unfair for the HB. I am trying to do my best. I am trying to do new things. Innovation maybe is really in my blood. Journalism makes me more creative and to think beyond the box. I would like to risk just to hone and improve my students' skills, attitude and totality.

This makes me sick.

They just can't understand me. :(

...as always.

Moral Booster

I am really not a trainer.

What i do is just to chat with my students, tell what I know, and tell them what they should review or read.

That's all.

But today, as I told my dad that "you are actually there as a moral booster." Wow, it was a hit! I really never thought of it because I believe that my students were the one who really wrote each of the articles, writings they had won and failed.

I just cheered them up and told them that they have to pray before their competition and to think positive. That's all.

But now I am boosting myself up...Yes, I am not a trainer but I am their moral supporter...

Hahaha..

para lang si Marlu. Laging bumibisita sa computer lab..magpapalamig lang. Pero alam ko na gusto nyang tumulong pero di ko lam ano papagawa at di din niya alam kung paano tutulong...at least nadun sya di ba..:)

Tula ng Isang Guro

Dahil hiningan ako ng tula ni Makoy Dakuykoy..

Sa Loob ng Silid-Aralan

Isinulat ni: Nicole Vlamfort

Katatapos lamang

ng aking lesson sa araw na ito…

Umupo ako sumandali

At pinagmasdan ang aking

Estudyante

Ang silid-aralan

Ang paaralan.

Kaya ko pa bang

Magtagal dito?

Sapat pa ba ang aking sahod?

Sasapat ba?

Sa pambayad para sa mga

Pang-araw-araw na gastusin

Sa gamot ng aking ama na

May prostate

Sa pag-papaaral ng mga

Kapatid ko sa kolehiyo

Sa pag-iipon ko para sa

Aking kasal sa kasunod na taon

Sasapat ba?

Stressed ako.

Ang dami ng che-checkan na papel

Ang daming paper works.

Ang daming kumpetisyon na

Kailangang panaluhin.

Ngunit sapat ba ang

Natatamasa na benepisyo?

Buti pa sa ibang bansa…

Nakapagpatayo na ang aking co-teacher

Ng bagong bahay

At may negosyo pa para

Sa kanyang magulang

At kanyang mga kapatid.

Maalwan na kanilang pamumuhay

Mula sa isang-kahig isang tukang

Pang-araw-araw na buhay.

Hay,

Hindi ko naman sila maiwan

Sino na ang magtuturo sa kanila?

Kung walang magtitiyagang magturo

Dito sa sariling bayan?

Sino na?

Ano pa ang mahihita ng mga

Mangmang at mga

musmos?

Kung susumahin

Kulang ang silid-aralan

Kulang ang mga libro

Kulang din ang mga guro.

Paano na aangat

Ang kalagayan ng ating

Bayang naghihikahos?

Kaya pa ba?

May pag-asa pa ba?

May magagawa ba ang

Pangulong bagong luklok?

Sana.

Sana

May magawa siyang

Aksyong

Kapani-paniwala

At hindi

Panandalian lamang,