Taking the Grammar Out of the Kiss

"A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or

an explanation point. That's basic spelling

that every woman ought to know."

-Mistinguett in Theatre Arts

Your kiss was like a question mark,

she said, & my lips were giving you

the answer. That was why I got mad

when you pulled away. I needed

to kiss you again to get a reprise.

=Poem by Hal Sirowitz, from his book Before, During & After

Fable of the Mermaid and the Drunks

All those men were there inside,

when she came in totally naked.
They had been drinking: they began to spit.
Newly come from the river, she knew nothing.
She was a mermaid who had lost her way.
The insults flowed down her gleaming flesh.
Obscenities drowned her golden breasts.
Not knowing tears, she did not weep tears.
Not knowing clothes, she did not have clothes.
They blackened her with burnt corks and cigarette stubs,
and rolled around laughing on the tavern floor.
She did not speak because she had no speech.
Her eyes were the colour of distant love,
her twin arms were made of white topaz.
Her lips moved, silent, in a coral light,
and suddenly she went out by that door.
Entering the river she was cleaned,
shining like a white stone in the rain,
and without looking back she swam again
swam towards emptiness, swam towards death.

Pablo Neruda

Clenched Soul

We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.

Pablo Neruda

Echuserang kuting

Holiday Emotions

I envy those who can write whatever their hearts tell and those who can pour their emotions with their words..

I stare this monitor blankly what will I type using my keyboard. My heart is feeling heavy right now with the recent events..my dad just had his operation in his prostate a month ago, my aunt died because of cancer, my boyfriend had his left body numb but his recovering now, and my uncle died last Christmas day..

They say we should have positivity. Yes, but I can't help to think and be gazing to nothingness as if my heart was being sucked into vacuum, emptiness. As if dementors have sucked my happiness within.

I feel alone. I felt alone.

No one actually knew this but my wedding was at stake just few days ago. I was about to say the wedding's off. I was so confused what to do. I don't know who to talk with this matter. My bestfriend's too busy. But i do understand her actually.

Because of our budget, his budget is low now..he's taking seven medicines for his heart, blood pressure and others. He has given me two options:

Option A: Civil wedding in Feb and church wedding in December

Option B: Simple church wedding in May and continuous budgeting for a new home..

I don't want to pressure him and stress him out because of his health condition. Though honestly, it broke my heart. I told him long time ago to have his budgeting and I am too. Though due to unavoidable circumstances and health problems, most of the money were alloted to it.

Because I don't want to pressure him, I chose option A with a weak heart. I asked what is his plan if we'll be married in Feb., I am still teaching here in Lucena. How can we stay in one roof if his uncle will be coming soon, there will be no room for me and our family to be.

If he hadn't been too honest maybe the wedding was off. His uncle will be coming but if that happens, they had transfer a new house. There's so much mess in his work, that he wanted to find a new one sooner too. He has plans to go to Dubai too. Too much heartache.

I asked him to talk to his parents and sisters first about the wedding. I was too tired to think that time. My heart was tired.

Then I told him okay option B. But let's talk this face to face.

He then asked if I will be happy in the future with him. That time, I can't answer him back because as I said tired and my heart too. My tears fell on my cheeks and my eyes can't stop pouring all those encapsulated emotions bursting.

December 24. I said sorry to him for being selfish. Sorry for the ill reaction I had. I was just too tired and pressured. He said sorry too. We reconciled and I think there's a happy ending waiting for us.

Movie Marathon

I really had a great time with past editors of the Heartbeat..I missed them so much..Though, di maxadong obvious..

I never thought of attending because i'm too damn busy. But I'm hit by my guilt because whenever i asked them to have some of their time, they give it away at once.

Anyway, we had a good laugh and I missed that with the new staff this year. or am I just pressured of the reality that i'll be leaving them soon.

The Haunting in Connecticut and The Social Network were our movie choice though the latter was given a small amount of attention. Mark Zuckerburg was too fast to speak and they cannot comprehend the words being spoken.

We ate chami, the famous coffee cake, fish ball dipped in lumpia sauce, piknik..mmm missed those food..

I missed them, in short..:)

Christmas is near

Binuksan na ang mga Christmas lights sa tatlong malalaking kalsada ng Makati; sa Ayala Ave., sa Makati Ave. at sa Paseo de Roxas.

Ito ang tatlong mga kalsada na lagi kong nadaraanan noong nasa Maynila pa ako. Nakakamiss din. Masaya kasi ang pakiramdam ko kapag naandun ako. hindi ko alam pero yung adrenaline ko ang bilis. Para laging may aksyon.

Parang nabubuhayan ako sa ingay ng Lrt/MRT, ang busina ng taxi o bus, ang boses ng mga tao nagmamadali. Hay.

Pero kahapon, binuhay ko ulit ang account ko sa jobstreet. Nagbabasakali ako na maghanap ng trabaho. Mayroong mga clerical positions na available pero sa Taguig, Libis. kelangan ko sa may Quezon City area lang para hindi ako mahihirapan sa pagcomute. Nag-iisip tuloy ako kung itutuloy ko ba talaga ang propesyon ko bilang isang guro. Trainor siguro pede pa pero napapagod ako masyado para maging guro. Gusto kong magpahinga. Hay.

Naisip ko ding mag-business kaya naisip kong tanungin si Gino kung may balak ba si Amen a magbukas ng bakeshop kasi may available resources ako at interested din ako. Pero for the mean time gusto ko muna maghanap ng trabaho para may maibigay din ako para sa pamilya ko. Dream ko din kaya magkaron ng bakeshop parang Pan de Manila ang style. Mala-coffee shop din. Kahit hindi siya maging super successful, eh maging kilala sya sa magiging market namin at masustain ang income. Sana magkatotoo ito. Gusto ko talaga.

Anyway, bago ako mag-isip ng kung anu-ano ay kailangan ko munang tapusin ang paggawa ko ng grades at siguro tapusin na rin this month until next month ang workbook ko. Cheer up, Skye!